Confessions of an Ex-Evangelist
I used to be one of them.
One of the evangelists.
Someone who’d benefitted so much
From awakening that I arrogantly
Preached my amazing experience.
Too many do that. It’s an innocent
And naïve mistake.
It is a mistake.
Later in life eventually I learned
Transcend and transform.
Have the experience of the divine and then
Integrate it into your life seeing
Everything is divine.
Seeing EVERYTHING as divine.
Not just the well, the happy, the skinny,
The beautiful, the small, the healthy,
The fit, the successful.
All of it.
The clouds, the rain, the sadness,
The ordinary, the unattractive,
The pain, the tears, the heartache.
All of it.
Proudly I’d preach vegetarianism as the way,
You can heal anything, happy thoughts only,
hustle for your perfect life, you attract what you think.
I looked fabulous – good genes – but I preached
It was what I was doing and you could have it too.
All that kind of bullshit. It is all bullshit.
And honestly, I did know better.
God put me through the mincer.
God held me fully underwater for the last few years
That I grew gills.
Be.
I can’t get way with shit now.
My directness and realness may be
Unpopular, fine.
The world is a magnificent place.
I love people. I love humanity.
But the world and humanity is
Misunderstood.
We layer it with coverings of shit.
Bullshit. Crap.
Thoughts, concepts, identities, morals.
The worst of them are the spiritual ones.
From all faiths and backgrounds.
I don’t care where you are from
And what you believe.
If it doesn’t have compassion for
Fellow man, if it doesn’t
Feel ok with God as grief and sadness
As much as joy and bliss,
Then I’m going to wish to tell you
You’re full of shit.
There is nothing that is not Shiva.
Nothing.
Flowers blossoming in your garden and
Beautiful happy bees collecting pollen.
Foxes ripping the heads off pet rabbits
That escaped.
All Shiva.
Your IQ, your degree, your car, your dress label,
Your address, your skin, your hair, your body,
Your DNA, your history, your nice knees,
Your enlightenment, Your years in the Himalayas,
Your Instagram feed means nothing to me.
Your compassion, your humanity, your
Emotional maturity, your self-lessness, your
Kindness, your sharing, your rawness,
Your goofiness, your struggle, your triumph,
Your universal faith, your ability to stay kind,
Wise, loving and full of integrity - I’m engaged.
In this age, the world will never get it.
This voice is important for those that do.
It would be lovely to have more beings
That have transcended the bullshit, the
Mind, the science, the quasi-spirituality,
The turgid religions.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for being one of those evangelists,
If that impacted you in the past.
Let me now be your resting place,
The cadence from the ongoing
Noise.
Pause with me.
Find the eternal in the pause.
Let it all go, the mad buzz of the
World and the overactive minds in it.
Dare to BE.
The world won’t understand, they will judge you,
They will abandon you, trust me.
But you will be whole and complete and
Wise to our reason for being on
This mortal coil.
You will go home.
They will stay.
AUM.
©Mata Kamaleshwari.